ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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