I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
