I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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