just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
