then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
