i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
