PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
