Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
