Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just blew my weed a kiss
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
