She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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