the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I still have a little drunk in my system
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
