allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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