Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
