Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
