It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
