you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize