I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
And then he peed in my hair
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