she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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