You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Randomize
