I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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