i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
