please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
