Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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