I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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