And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
