HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
