I cockslap morals
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
