***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
