currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
