Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
A+ Viking dick
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
