Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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