Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
