True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
