I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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