so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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