I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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