No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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