New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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