i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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