doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
