He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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