If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
