your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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