I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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