sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize