Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
