And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
my being single is dangerous.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
