something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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