Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Your dad touched me again.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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