Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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