My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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