I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
