Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If its not for food we ain't going out.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
