The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I touched a dick in church today
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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