So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
