omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
That accounts for only three of the penises
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
