Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
