Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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