Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
