I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
