so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
