i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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