Someone shit on the floor
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
