your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
