just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
