I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
