So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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