; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
