Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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