I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize