I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
