nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
