Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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