No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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