Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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