Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
